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Get this:
Cronus liked to eat babies.
Narcissus probably should have just learned to masturbate.
Odin got construction discounts with bestiality.
Isis had bad taste in jewelry.
Ganesh was the very definition of an unplanned pregnancy.
And Abraham was totally cool about stabbing his kid in the face.
All our lives, we’ve been fed watered-down, PC versions of the classic myths. In reality, mythology is more screwed up than a schizophrenic shaman doing hits of unidentified…wait, it all makes sense now. In Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes, Cory O’Brien, creator of Myths RETOLD!, sets the stories straight. These are rude, crude, totally sacred texts told the way they were meant to be told: loudly, and with lots of four-letter words.
Skeptical? Here are a few more gems to consider:
• Zeus once stuffed an unborn fetus inside his thigh to save its life after he exploded its mother by being too good in bed.
• The entire Egyptian universe was saved because Sekhmet just got too hammered to keep murdering everyone.
• The Hindu universe is run by a married couple who only stop murdering in order to throw sweet dance parties…on the corpses of their enemies.
• The Norse goddess Freyja once consented to a four-dwarf gangbang in exchange for one shiny necklace.
And there’s more dysfunctional goodness where that came from.
- Sales Rank: #1502 in Books
- Brand: O'brien, Cory/ Melville, Sarah E. (ILT)
- Published on: 2013-03-05
- Released on: 2013-03-05
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 7.98" h x .63" w x 4.46" l, .50 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 304 pages
About the Author
Cory O’Brien is a dude who likes myths a whole lot. When he’s not writing about myths, he is usually yelling them at people in bars or posting them on his website, bettermyths.com. He is currently in the MFA program in writing at the School of the Art Institute of Chicago. Also, birds really freak him out
Most helpful customer reviews
49 of 49 people found the following review helpful.
Fair Warning
By Tarkabarka
Don't read this book in the bathtub, your roommate will think you are choking on something and she'll burst in and see that you are tearing up and think you have been dumped. It's gonna be really awkward.
Definitely read it somewhere else in the house, though. Or on the subway if you don't mint people watching you giggle.
17 of 17 people found the following review helpful.
Fresh, sassy, and brilliant
By Nibrocla
Cory O'Brien is getting it right: his updates to world mythological tales are very funny, totally comprehensible (unlike some of the original versions), sexy enough to make them occasionally NSFW, written in a vernacular that will offend some but totally delight most, and more than anything, makes it clear that mankind does try to figure out how to explain s*&t that happens, and that the explanations take much the same arc regardless of culture. This book should be required reading in every single mythology and classics class in the country. Bravo!
13 of 13 people found the following review helpful.
Pure Genius!!!
By S. Lehnert
No really, this is the most epic of books I've ever read. I laughed myself into an asthma attack it was so awesome. It puts a new perspective on a great subject and gives these myths an edgier more modern spin. Plus, the lessons learned at the end of each myth is priceless. I highly recommend this to anyone with a sense of humor and a passion for mythology.
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