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Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting, by Dr. Laura Markham
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A groundbreaking guide to raising responsible, capable, happy kids
Based on the latest research on brain development and extensive clinical experience with parents, Dr. Laura Markham’s approach is as simple as it is effective. Her message: Fostering emotional connection with your child creates real and lasting change. When you have that vital connection, you don’t need to threaten, nag, plead, bribe—or even punish.
This remarkable guide will help parents better understand their own emotions—and get them in check—so they can parent with healthy limits, empathy, and clear communication to raise a self-disciplined child. Step-by-step examples give solutions and kid-tested phrasing for parents of toddlers right through the elementary years.
If you’re tired of power struggles, tantrums, and searching for the right “consequence,” look no further. You’re about to discover the practical tools you need to transform your parenting in a positive, proven way.
- Sales Rank: #499 in Books
- Published on: 2012-11-28
- Released on: 2012-11-28
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.19" h x .78" w x 5.44" l, .56 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 304 pages
Review
"Dr. Laura is always tuned in to what kids need so they can thrive, and what moms and dads need so they can parent well. If you want to feel more confident and peaceful as a parent, this is the book. Dr. Laura helps you understand what drives your child's behavior, and gives you the practical tools to change it."
—Elizabeth Pantley, author of twelve parenting books including The No Cry Sleep Solution
“If you want to declare peace in your home, follow Dr. Laura Markham's original and authentic advice. With her emphasis on taking responsibility for our own emotional states as parents and connecting rather than controlling, Dr. Laura offers us suggestions that help us to create strong relationships with our children. If we all followed Dr. Laura's advice, we would indeed change the world."
—Peggy O'Mara, Founder of Mothering.com
“If you’re a parent who has been trying hard with your child, with mixed results, read this book. Peaceful Parents, Happy Kids can change your parenting life. Dr. Laura Markham shares an invaluable set of insights that are new to the world of parenting. She will show you how to deliver your love and guidance in a truly nurturing way, and how to avoid parental burn-out in the process.”
—Patty Wipfler, Founder of Hand-in-Hand.org
"The Aha! moment in Dr. Laura Markham's Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids is that attachment isn't just for babies. Attachment provides the foundation for the growing child to learn emotional intelligence, empathy, and responsibility while he masters his environment. Dr. Laura teaches by example, holding parents with compassion as she gives them priceless, easy to use strategies to create a secure, healthy attachment with their child.”
—Lysa Parker & Barbara Nicholson, Founders of Attachment Parenting International, and authors of Attached at the Heart
"Dr. Laura shows parents how their empathy can wire their child's brain for emotional regulation and happiness -- and a brighter future for humanity. Her understanding and knowledge of the many challenges of raising loving, compassionate children gives parents powerful tools to be the best that they can be. A simple, yet revolutionary, message of love."
—Nancy Samalin, M.S, author of Loving Without Spoiling
“Peaceful Parents, Happy Kids has two important ideas, and one revolutionary idea. Dr. Laura Markham’s guidance on fostering connection and coaching instead of controlling are the important ideas, and they can make a huge difference in your life as a parent. Her explanation of why parents need to regulate ourselves first—before we can help regulate our children--is the revolutionary idea. Read it and you’ll see why she calls her work ‘Aha! Parenting.’”
—Lawrence J. Cohen, PhD, author of Playful Parenting
“Dr. Laura Markham's work is practical, easy-to-apply and transformative. Get a cup of coffee, find a comfy chair, and be prepared to get great advice from a wise, new friend and fellow parent.”
—Jacqueline Green, Host of the Great Parenting Show
“A much-needed resource for parents….encouragement and actionable, doable, advice for parents to strengthen their connection with their children, and take care of themselves. Clearly helps parents to see how what they are doing today impacts and influences what happens tomorrow, yet the tone is gentle and non-judgmental. Such a user-friendly format for (often) weary parents.”
—Lisa Sunbury, RegardingBaby.org
“Parents, this is the book we've all been waiting for. Dr. Laura Markham’s compassion, wisdom, common sense, love and understanding radiates in each carefully chosen word, example and suggestion throughout this well-written, easy-to-read, delicious book on peaceful parenting. From her chapter on effectively managing anger, ‘Listen to your anger, rather than act on it,’ to my favorite quote, ‘Your child is acting like a child because he is one,’ you’ll know you’ve found your parenting bible. Thank you, Dr. Markham.”
— Rev. Susan Nason, Parent Educator and Consultant
About the Author
Dr. Laura Markham is a clinical psychologist specializing in child development and parenting. The founder of AhaParenting.com, she supports parents every day in her private coaching practice and daily email inspirations. She lives in New York City with her husband and their two teenage children.
Most helpful customer reviews
347 of 362 people found the following review helpful.
THE Parenting Book EVERY Parent Should Read and Re-Read
By Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama
I am a gentle parent. I am a conscious parent. I put a lot of work into keeping calm when dealing with those tough parenting moments. I try to always hold the space for my daughter to simply "be" who she is in the every moment. But...
My default button is impatience and a penchant for raising my voice. *Sigh*
It takes a lot of work to keep myself in check as a peaceful, supportive parent. When I do veer of course, my daughter is sure to remind me of the error of my ways. For days on end. Days. On. End. Impatience and raising my voice does NOTHING to strengthen my relationship with my daughter.
I read and research. A lot. I have read all of the gentle parenting resources out there. I have taken a little of this and a little of that and tried to bring it together into a parenting style that works both for me and for my daughter. Yet, I still have not perfected the art of patient parenting.
I have been waiting anxiously for Dr. Laura Markham of Aha Parenting to write and release a book on peaceful parenting. I love her blog. I find myself nodding vigorously to every post she writes. Her words always give me pause. I digest them. I put them into action. And yet, I knew that she was holding back and had so much more to offer!
Enter Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How To Stop Yelling and Start Connecting.
This is THE book that was missing from my repertoire of gentle parenting resources. This is THE book that I read two times in a row while barely coming up for air. The is THE book that has actually showed me, in a palatable manner, how to be the patient, non-voice-raising mama I knew I could be.
Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids might seem like a lengthy book at first glance but it is divided into three sections which makes it much easier to digest. Each section is broken down further into pointed topics which are designed to help you master peaceful parenting. The division of topics is perfect, giving the reader the opportunity to let the research, the advice, and the real-life application techniques a chance to soak in.
There are so many things I enjoyed about this book. First, while Dr. Laura does not talk down to the reader, she doesn't present information in some esoteric, can't-wrap-your-brain-around-it way either. She is clear and gentle, yet effective in the research and methodology she outlines in the book. Basically, she speaks to your heart in a way that gets it to open up without making you feel horrible about your past shortcomings as a parent.
Second, this book is designed to be used for a long time! Parents of toddlers will benefit just as much as parents of elementary school age children. In fact, the earlier you read this, the more of an opportunity you have to use it as your child grows! Dr. Laura has several sections that she breaks down further based on the age of your child. I love this because as every parent knows, there is NO one size fits all approach to parenting children as they move through various developmental stages. Each age and stage comes with its own unique set of challenges and opportunities. Dr. Laura has given parents the gift of learning how their parenting can evolve alongside their children's growth and development.
My advice is to read the book cover to cover before attempting to implement any of Dr. Laura's techniques. As you go, earmark what resonates with you, perhaps focusing on those areas you really need to troubleshoot within your parenting arsenal. (That is a nice way of saying "earmark the sections that you are having parenting failures with!") Then go back and dig deep. DEEP! Don't take shortcuts. Don't try to rush anything. Take what Dr. Laura suggests and deliberately begin making the changes you feel in your gut you need to make. Then watch your relationship with your child bloom like you never thought it could. Because it will based on my experience.
I have lots more to say about this resource. You can read my full review here: [...]
246 of 262 people found the following review helpful.
Your kids will notice the change right away!
By Shannon
A childhood friend posted information on "Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids" on her Facebook page, and I finished reading it a couple of days ago. What I have learned from this book has already improved my relationship with my eight year old son. My son thanked me this morning for reading this book. He said I am turning into the mom he always wanted. "Even if it means you don't always get your way?" I asked. He replied, "It's easy to learn from my mistakes when you aren't yelling at me about them." I almost burst into tears. This book is amazing, and by reading it I showed him that it is never to late to change your ways.
442 of 491 people found the following review helpful.
Good but not for everyone
By Lisa
I wanted to love this book but it's not for us. I think it might resonate really well with people into "attachment parenting" and think that should be mentioned in the description. It might fall short with some very strong willed children though, like mine. At least, that's what I found when I tried a few suggestions.
The positives of this book is that it does a good job of highlighting the need for the parent to calm down. There are good tips. It made an important point that other parenting books do not, such as, it's alright to take a moment (or 10!) to calm down before addressing the problem. Many other parenting books say you need to address the problem immediately so the child knows exactly why consequences are happening. It gives some good tips about knowing how your child reacts to certain situations and have the foresight to diffuse them before the problem occurs. It promotes empathy, which can only help your relationship. I found I already do a lot of empathizing with my child.
Where I have the problem is the constant "making light" of problems or trying to turn them into a game in order redirect the behavior. This might work with some kids but not mine. In one example, a child wants the parent to move from a particular spot on the couch and the parent is supposed to make fun and games with the child... but not move from the spot. That only works with my daughter to a point. She would not become distracted, she would play for a while but then become serious and reassert her laser beam focus. Another example is about spitting, instead of consequences for spitting in the house the solution was to take the child outside to make a game of spitting out there. Like, "Oh, haha, look I can spit further than you!" Yeah, I can just see myself and daughter on the front steps of our house spitting all over. I somehow don't think that highlights what a bad thing spitting is and would really give my kid the green light that it's ok. She's "strong willed" and while that example would let her know it's ok to do it outside... she would quickly push her boundaries and do it inside again.
I think this approach would probably work very well with my younger daughter who is more laid back and open to suggestion. However, I don't think it will fly with my older strong willed one.
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